Friday 18 November 2011

Barren: "Bare of intellectual wealth, destitute of attraction or interest, poor, meagre, jejune, arid, dry." (Fig. OED)

Don't worry. I'm not actually barren. At least, I hope not. I'm sure I'll want to squeeze forth a couple of ankle-biters at some point when life really starts getting boring but for now, I feel that getting pregnant would be poor decision making.

It is my life itself which I just described to my good friend Phineas as "barren." Alas, I have no hobbies. All I do in my spare time is watch old films and play games downloaded from the internet. My recent favourite is called WolfQuest. But my bloody den keeps getting invaded by alien packs because I keep forgetting to wee all over it. So really that provides more trauma than comfort to my tired existence.

I'm void of mental germs, unproductive of results, bare of intellectual wealth, destitute of attraction or interest, poor, meagre, jejune, arid, dry. I produce little or no vegetation. All the definitions the Oxford English Dictionary offers apply to me. (except the bit about being unable to bear children...)

My future is barren. I have about a month left to decide what to do next year when my university finally kicks me out (I graduate) and I have no fucking idea. The advertising world it seems, does not want me. And I am very personally offended DKLowe, that you didn't even want to give me an interview. As a result, I've decided to boycott application forms of all kind.

My good friend Phineas is refusing to comfort me. He has been responding to my claims of barrenness with insipid questions like "Is barrenness a word?" and "Are you dried up?" No bleeding use at all.

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