Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Another offensive twerp

So I'm standing in the sleazyjet line waiting to be allowed on their shit airplane so that I can fly to Holland to see the boy. (He is one of those foreign types you see.) Anyway, I'm just standing there in Priority B with almost everybody else except the people in suits and those accompanied by small people less than... shall we say four feet tall. And this man next to me starts chatting. He was one of those men with cheeks permanently stained red. The way that most normal people look only after standing at a cold bus-stop for 40 minutes. And he was badly shaven and smelt a little bit of mould.

He turns to me and nudges his head at the suits in Priority A. "Bastards," he says, really quite loud, "Whats the point in paying for speedy-boarding. The plane ain't going to get there any quicker for them lot."

"Yeah, totally" I murmur in reply.

"So, you been to Holland before?" he growled. But before I had time to say yes, he assumed I was going to say no, and proceeded to tell me how shit the whole country is. Especially Amsterdam, apparently, everyone there is just 'of their 'edds the owl time.'

At about that point I interjected that I quite liked Amsterdam, and had visited the previous year. That shut him up for a bit. I was thrilled. I thought I'd won the battle. But alas, no. About three minutes passed. I was getting cocky. Doing a triumphant dance in my mind and humming 'We Are the Champions.' When suddenly:

"So. Where you from?"

"North london" I sigh, praying that the plane would be ready for boarding soon.

"Oh wow.  Its a nice area, north London. Very rich area." (This is hardly true, north london does have wealthy parts, but it also has some of the worst council estates in the whole of the city... but i decided to let the generalisation slide).

"I suppose so. I live quite far out though."

"Well you know its only rich because of all them Jews. They like the money, y'know." He then looked at me inquisitively. "You ain't one of them are you? Ain't Jewish?"

"No." I sigh. But of course I am. I've got the nose and everything.

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