CRAZY

It is much more fun feeling crazy with an encouraging soundtrack.

THE JOYOUS DONKEY (or is it a horse?)

I have finished my essay! Every time I finish an essay it just reminds me of how mentally unstable I am. BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING HAPPY. Like really bloody disproportionately so. I feel like I've just been accepted to read a degree in Fun at the University of Rainbowland. The fact that I have another one due in on Monday is just SO IRRELEVANT RIGHT NOW. Right now there are unicorns prancing through mid-air. Sliding down waterfally slides of bliss and singing happy songs of wonder! I feel like screaming FREEDOM from the rooftops Braveheart style. (I won't though, don't worry) But I might compose an opera, I could go to the shops, get some sweets, go on a swing, eat some food, watch tv. For now my essay is done and I can do anything in the world! Until Monday. But we are not thinking about that so shush.

Serpentine Dance (1896) -Loie Fuller

How pretty? The dress is made of white silk and this was of course made before the days of colour tv (or tv at all probably) but the Lumiere Brothers actually painted onto the film to make it change colour in that awesome chameleonic way.

I remembered this video because I'm thinking about writing my thesis on the relationship between dance and insanity- but Fuller looks anything but insane here, just free and beautiful.

Cheesy I know. But honestly, I just wish I was a Victorian dancer. So its a melancholic kind of a cheese and that is allowed. A dissatisfaction with the camembert of present and a longing for the cheddar of past... if you will. Mmmm.

Philippe Halsman

Philippe Halsman is totally boss. He makes me want to jump.

How I Feel Right Now:

Yumchaa

Yumchaa is an incredible cafe in Camden Town about 5 minutes walk from the station. They have a collection of about a bajillion different herbal, green, white and black teas. This is perfect for my poor friend Flora who is allergic to caffeine. Since our friendship has always been centred around trips for coffee, we were concerned that this sudden allergy might throw a spanner in the works. But thank goodness for Yumchaa, where instead of nasty coffee we can have tea and bagels and cake. With loads of differently sized and coloured snuggly looking armchairs and tables of varying shapes and sizes (there is even an incredibly old looking velvet sofa) you can stay there pretty much all day. AND it even has wi-fi.

I got a carrot cake. That was crumbly and delicious as a carrot cake should be. But not at all dry. The worst sin a carrot cake can commit is to be dry, but this one was moist as well as crumblesome, and the icing was superb. The teas are scattered into lots of tiny tea-cups so that you can smell them all and pick the one you fancy. Slightly overwhelmed with choice I decided to abuse the poor girl behind the till. "WHAT IS THE BEST TEA!!" I exclaimed, fearing that I was holding up the one man queueing behind me with my indecision. After a slight conversation I decided to go for a tea called "Adventure"- because I'm a really adventurous person and all. It was divine. 

She had told me it would taste like harvest time and frolicking AND IT DID. I couldn't quite figure out what was in it. But it had a delicious apple-tang without being overly sweet.

Basically I seriously recommend.  Yum. (Chaa).

www.yumchaa.co.uk

BOOK PORN

http://bookshelfporn.com/
This website is beyond sexy.

         Yum.

Fixie cool

I would totally love to hate people who ride fixie bikes and think that being a dickhead is cool. But alas, they are just so pretty. The bikes, that is. The people usually have try-hard haircuts. Anyway this is one of the prettiest bikes I've come across so far.

Sadly, cycling is one of those things that is so much more fun when you aren't doing it than when you are. You only ever remember the downhills, not the throbbing in your thighs as you tackle and inevitably fail to ride up the ups. And that bit is so embarrassing. Nobody wants to be seen pushing a bike up a hill, it looks just as bad as running down a hill after a skate-board would. Just plain stupid. Nevertheless, I'd be really happy if I owned this bike. Ain't it a beaut? 

http://www.fixedgeargallery.com/2008/nov/4/MattMcNeece.htm#image_2

Another offensive twerp

So I'm standing in the sleazyjet line waiting to be allowed on their shit airplane so that I can fly to Holland to see the boy. (He is one of those foreign types you see.) Anyway, I'm just standing there in Priority B with almost everybody else except the people in suits and those accompanied by small people less than... shall we say four feet tall. And this man next to me starts chatting. He was one of those men with cheeks permanently stained red. The way that most normal people look only after standing at a cold bus-stop for 40 minutes. And he was badly shaven and smelt a little bit of mould.

He turns to me and nudges his head at the suits in Priority A. "Bastards," he says, really quite loud, "Whats the point in paying for speedy-boarding. The plane ain't going to get there any quicker for them lot."

"Yeah, totally" I murmur in reply.

"So, you been to Holland before?" he growled. But before I had time to say yes, he assumed I was going to say no, and proceeded to tell me how shit the whole country is. Especially Amsterdam, apparently, everyone there is just 'of their 'edds the owl time.'

At about that point I interjected that I quite liked Amsterdam, and had visited the previous year. That shut him up for a bit. I was thrilled. I thought I'd won the battle. But alas, no. About three minutes passed. I was getting cocky. Doing a triumphant dance in my mind and humming 'We Are the Champions.' When suddenly:

"So. Where you from?"

"North london" I sigh, praying that the plane would be ready for boarding soon.

"Oh wow.  Its a nice area, north London. Very rich area." (This is hardly true, north london does have wealthy parts, but it also has some of the worst council estates in the whole of the city... but i decided to let the generalisation slide).

"I suppose so. I live quite far out though."

"Well you know its only rich because of all them Jews. They like the money, y'know." He then looked at me inquisitively. "You ain't one of them are you? Ain't Jewish?"

"No." I sigh. But of course I am. I've got the nose and everything.

Old Men I'd Do

1. Marlon Brando. Admittedly less hot circa The Godfather II, but look at that dampened chest. Phwarr.

2. Jonny Depp. I don't care how old or ever-so-slightly chubby he gets, Jonny is god. Just don't think of Fear & Loathing. They magically made him gross in that.

3. Atticus Finch. He's all intelligent looking with the big glasses. And I bet he moralises in bed. Yum.

Alas to be a teenage girl!

Aware we are wilting but forced to wait

Wake up each day and trust in fate?

Pah! This is a modern era and fate died

Long ago.

We must prune and pluck and pinch.

Bra to lift and belt cinch.

I shall be fat when I am married.

And ladies shall cry, “Oh!

Is not it shocking how she has let herself go?”

And as they snicker I shall smile;

Eat a cake once in a while

(or perhaps oftener than that)

And I shall enjoy being fat

And going without brushing my hair

And seeming not to care.

But for now I must watch what I eat

I must wear shoes that hurt my feet.

I must prune and pluck and pinch,

My waist gain not a single inch,

I must draw lines beneath my eyes

And when in bed suppress the sighs

Of inevitable disappointment-

Not when I am married! Oh, no!

But oh,

When I am married I shall be fat-

And where shall be the shame in that?

Playdohsaurus

This is a little stop-motion something that my boyfriend and I made a while back. It has a whole 161 hits on Youtube so we are essentially celebrities these days.

The Luck of The Brungers by Luke Wright

I saw Luke at the Edinburgh Festival last summer doing a show called "Cynical Ballads" and he was absolutely brilliant. Even my parents enjoyed it despite having no time at all for poetry. He's totally nailed the perfect balance between great performance and great words. I wish I could write poetry like this. Maybe I'll try sometime.

Anarchy

Barren: "Bare of intellectual wealth, destitute of attraction or interest, poor, meagre, jejune, arid, dry." (Fig. OED)

Don't worry. I'm not actually barren. At least, I hope not. I'm sure I'll want to squeeze forth a couple of ankle-biters at some point when life really starts getting boring but for now, I feel that getting pregnant would be poor decision making.

It is my life itself which I just described to my good friend Phineas as "barren." Alas, I have no hobbies. All I do in my spare time is watch old films and play games downloaded from the internet. My recent favourite is called WolfQuest. But my bloody den keeps getting invaded by alien packs because I keep forgetting to wee all over it. So really that provides more trauma than comfort to my tired existence.

I'm void of mental germs, unproductive of results, bare of intellectual wealth, destitute of attraction or interest, poor, meagre, jejune, arid, dry. I produce little or no vegetation. All the definitions the Oxford English Dictionary offers apply to me. (except the bit about being unable to bear children...)

My future is barren. I have about a month left to decide what to do next year when my university finally kicks me out (I graduate) and I have no fucking idea. The advertising world it seems, does not want me. And I am very personally offended DKLowe, that you didn't even want to give me an interview. As a result, I've decided to boycott application forms of all kind.

My good friend Phineas is refusing to comfort me. He has been responding to my claims of barrenness with insipid questions like "Is barrenness a word?" and "Are you dried up?" No bleeding use at all.