Neal Cassidy and his Great Sex Letter

Neal Cassady was the real person behind Dean Moriarty in Kerouac's masterpiece On The Road. I just Google image searched him and found the above... a bit of a hotty if you ask me.

I find Dean's wilfulness in On The Road weirdly attractive. Even though he is clearly a terribly selfish person whom, in real life, I would avoid like the plague.

Anyway, I came across a letter (on Letters of Note, one of my favourite websites). It was written by Neal to Kerouac back in the days of 1947, and it describes two sexual encounters. Apparently Kerouac latter dubbed it "The Great Sex Letter".

Neal is really callous, but I'm a sucker for a Byronic hero. And I love the idea of falling in love with somebody for just an afternoon. It's painfully romantic, and wholly ridiculous all at the same time.

Dear Jack:

I am sitting in a bar on Market St. I am drunk, well, not quite, but I soon will be. I am here for 2 reasons; I must wait 5 hours for the bus to Denver & lastly but, most importantly, I'm here (drinking) because, of course, because of a woman, & what a woman! To be chronological about it:

I was sitting on the bus when it took on more passengers at Indianapolis, Indiana - a perfectly proportioned, beautiful, intellectual, passionate, personification of Venus De Milo asked me if the seat beside me was taken!!! I gulped, (I'm drunk) gargled & stammered NO! (Paradox of expression, after all, how can one stammer NO!!?) She sat - I sweated - She started to speak, I knew it would be generalities, so to tempt her I remained silent.

She (her name Patricia) got on the bus at 8 PM (Dark!) I didn't speak until 10 PM - in the intervening 2 hours I not only of course, determined to make her, but, how to DO IT. I naturally can't quote the conversation verbally, however, I shall attempt to give you the gist of it from 10 PM to 2 AM.

Without the slightest preliminaries of objective remarks (what's your name? where are you going? etc.) I plunged into a completely knowing, completely subjective, personal & so to speak "penetrating her core" way of speech; to be shorter (since I'm getting unable to write) by 2 AM I had her swearing eternal love, complete subjectivity to me & immediate satisfaction. I, anticipating even more pleasure, wouldn't allow her to blow me on the bus, instead we played, as they say, with each other.

Knowing her supremely perfect being was completely mine (when I'm more coherent, I'll tell you her complete story & psychological reason for loving me) I could conceive of no obstacle to my satisfaction, well, "the best laid plans of mice & men go astray" and my nemesis was her sister, the bitch.

Pat had told me her reason for going to St. Louis was to see her sister; she had wired her to meet her at the depot. So, to get rid of the sister, we peeked around the depot when we arrived at St. Louis at 4 AM to see if she (her sister) was present. If not, Pat would claim her suitcase, change clothes in the rest room & she and I proceed to a hotel room for a night (years?) of perfect bliss. The sister was not in sight, so She (note the capital) claimed her bag & retired to the toilet to change --- long dash ---

This next paragraph must, of necessity, be written completely objectively --

Edith (her sister) & Patricia (my love) walked out of the pisshouse hand in hand (I shan't describe my emotions). It seems Edith (bah) arrived at the bus depot early & while waiting for Patricia, feeling sleepy, retired to the head to sleep on a sofa. That's why Pat & I didn't see her.

My desperate efforts to free Pat from Edith failed, even Pat's terror and slave-like feeling toward her rebelled enough to state she must see "someone" & would meet Edith later, all failed. Edith was wise; she saw what was happening between Pat & I.

Well, to summarize: Pat; I stood in the depot (in plain sight of the sister) & pushing up to one another, vowed never to love again & then I took the bus to Kansas City & Pat went home, meekly, with her dominating sister. Alas, alas ---

In complete (try & share my feeling) dejection, I sat, as the bus progressed toward Kansas City. At Columbia, Mo. a young (19) completely passive (my meat) virgin got on & shared my seat ... In my dejection over losing Pat, the perfect, I decided to sit on the bus (behind the driver) in broad daylight & seduce her, from 10.30 AM to 2.30 PM I talked. When I was done, she (confused, her entire life upset, metaphysically amazed at me, passionate in her immaturity) called her folks in Kansas City & went with me to a park (it was just getting dark) & I banged her, I screwed her as never before; all my pent up emotion finding release in this young virgin (& she was) who is, by the way, a school teacher! Imagine, she's had 2 years of Mo. St. Teacher's College & now teaches Jr. High School. (I'm beyond thinking straightly).

I'm going to stop writing. Oh, yes, to free myself for a moment from my emotions, you must read "Dead Souls" parts of it (in which Gogol shows his insight) are quite like you.

I'll elaborate further later (probably?) but at the moment I'm drunk and happy (after all, I'm free of Patricia already, due to the young virgin. I have no name for her. At the happy not of Les Young's "jumping at Mesners" (which I'm hearing) I close til later.

To my Brother Carry On! N.L. Cassady.

P.S. I forgot to mention Patricia's parents live in Ozone Park & of course, Lague being her last name, she's French Canadian just as you.

I'll write soon, Neal.

P.P.S. Please read this illegible letter as a continuous chain of undisciplined thought, thank you. N.

P.P.P.S. Postponed, postponed, postponed script, keep working hard, finish your novel & find, thru knowledge, strength in solitude instead of despair. Incidentally I'm starting on a novel also, "believe it or not". Goodbye.

“The pleasantness of an employment does not always evince its propriety.”

- Jane Austen

"Growing up is about aiming to succeed wildly and being fulfilled by failing really well."

-Courtney Martin

Check her out (Courtney Martin, not the pig) here.

"If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism."

- Oscar Wilde

Dissection

Despicable, squalid,

Sprawled across the weary table

With its worm-holes and buboes,

Bruised by moment and battered by measure.

You lie there, accusing me of everything.

Oozing, dripping, reeking,

Seeking scrutiny.

I spy on you through my microscope.

Self-importance dribbles out your

Putrid pores. It grows to a bubble,

Then slows to a pop.

I know that it takes a real man to whistle in the rain;

You were right when you told me that.

But I cannot trust you.

Sometimes it is sunny when it is cold,

Sometimes tension gets rolled,

Rolled up and balled

Like wool.

The others giggle or flinch,

But I just blink bewildered.

I understand you, frog,

But not them.

Fine Acts of Junk

"If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?" - John Cleese

We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.

- Adolus Huxley

My dad told me that I'm delusional. I almost fell of my unicorn.

Finnegan's Wake Spell-Checked

People are always surprised when I tell them that I'm really useless at spelling and grammar.

-- OHBUTYOUDIDENGLISH they frown and jeer when I get something wrong.

Yeah, I did. But I'm pretty sure that every Mathematician at oxford was a better speller than I. They are perfectionists. Thorough and thoughtful. when they break the maths rules they get the answers wrong.  We're muchmore slapdash.

Pernickety obsession is not the trait of your average English student. Maybe language students. Historians. Or classicists. It has never been a trait of mine, anyway. I like language at its most creative. And if that means throwing spelling and grammar to the wind- then so be it

Yeah- I bet that missing full stop is really bothering you

And that one two. Alot.

I've flung some grammatical inaccuracies into this post so that you can judge weather your a grammar nazi or not.

This is what happens when you put the first page of Finnegan's Wake into Microsoft Word:

Meanwhile, back at the North Pole, Dennis just couldn't get enough of Gangam Style.

"I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue." - Jarod Kintz

Top 10 Documentaries of ALL TIME (probably) - part 4

JOINT NUMBER 2. (with Spellbound... see previous post)

Those who have bothered to read the other 8 entries in this list instead of skipping to the top two will recall my sage aphorism: "Everyone loves a tiny French man." This is proved true yet again, in the inspiring documentary that is Man On Wire. Honestly, the protagonist's name is quite literally Phillipe Petit.

When you mention this documentary to people they'll go oh yes that one that won the Oscars and stuff. Yes indeed my pretties. A documentary wins an Oscar every year but for some reason this is the one that people remember. Man On Wire also won lots of other prizes elsewhere and is quite simply marvellous.

It's essentially Ocean's Eleven for day-dreamers (because day-dreamers don't get Ocean's Eleven... everything happens really fast and then you're like, wait, what happened, it's happened already? that happened? where was I when that happened......??? And it's just all pretty baffling). Well this almost-heist is simultaneously much more ridiculous and much more straight-forward in narrative than Oceans Eleven. It's also real life. What more could you want?

And obviously, Philippe's tightrope-walking feat itself is hugely awe-inspiring. All in all, very much worthy of my second-from-the-top spot.

1. Exit Through The Gift Shop

Ok, ok. I actually genuinely only just realised that three of my top 10 documentaries feature tiny French men. Clearly my obsession must run deeper than I'd realised. This one has another in it. I'd say this guy is the best French man of all time, perhaps. Except Poirot. OH.WAIT.NO.HE.WAS.BELGIAN.

I don't wan't to spoil this doc by talking lots of gibberish about it and ruining the story. I'm just going to tell you that it has BANKSY in it. But it's not even about Banksy. THAT right there, is proof of just how cool this film is. That's right, this documentary is the epitome of cool. Thierry Guetta (aka. Mr. Brainwash) is the most amazing creature ever created by our absurd culture and his story makes amazingly entertaining viewing. Trust me: watch it. You'll enjoy. I guarantee.

Top 10 Documentaries of ALL TIME (probably) - part 3

2. Spellbound

I, of all people especially, love a good nerd. When I was growing up my dad used to call me Gretchen (she's the one with the epic glasses and freckles and teeth from Recess who speaks through her nose). I feel that on the whole I've been lucky enough to mainly grow out of my nerdiness. No, maybe I've grown into it. But either way, I will always feel a great affinity with all diminutive bespectacled creatures.

But Spellbound is more than your average lolz-they-have-no-social-skills flick (for this see: Deborah 13: Servant of God or anything featuring Mormons). Spellbound shows how, for these gawky kids, many of whom are the children of immigrants, exceptional command of the English language offers a sense of belonging, and in some strange way, affirms their Americanness.

Top 10 Documentaries of ALL TIME (probably) - Part 2

I know you've been waiting for this with baited breath. So here it bloody well is:

5. The Imposter 

Ok so this gets points from me for being produced kinda like it's a feature film. Because documentary IS an equally valuable art form. And the story is absolutely fantastically fascinating- a tiny French man pretends to be a Texan child and gets away with it... possibly because the family have a secret to hide... possibly because they are crazy too... simply fabulous. Everyone loves a tiny French man. Although this one looks a little too much like Gavin (a la Gavin & Stacy) for my liking...

Do you see it too....???

4. Paradise Lost

So this is really long and depressing and involves a court-case and intrigue and child-murder. Right up my street. It's about the notorious Robin Hood murders and tells the story of the three young boys accused of the murder and sexual mutilation of some kids even younger than them. Horrific as the subject matter is, it is incredibly engrossing. And it is sort of hideously fun to try and work out whether the accused boys are guilty or innocent. Made me want to be a lawyer for about ten minutes.

(For something similar (I don't know why but I find child criminals really interesting...) there was recently a very excellent documentary on Channel 4 called 'Twelve Year Old Lifer' about a twelve and a fifteen year old boy who shot dead the fifteen year old's step-dad. It raised lots of issues about the American justice system and about whether or not children should really be tried as adults. And significantly, I think, pointed out how tragic the situation was for absolutely everyone involved- teenage killers included. Highly recommended (not only because I did some transcribing work on it whilst I interned at NERD tv...))

3. Thin Blue Line

Are you in the mood to feel outraged? Do you want to feel ANGRY and APPALLED and for there to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do about it? Watch this film. (Then Wikipedia check what happened in its aftermath and glory in the catharsis of vindication). It's about a man who is serving in prison for a murder he quite blatantly did not commit- and tells the infuriating narrative of how and why he ended up there. It makes one glad that one does not live in stinking America. Vastly better entertainment than your average episode of CSI Miami. Next time its on tv and you're tempted, think twice, watch this instead. Honestly this one is just brilliant.

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH that is all for now... you will have to CHECK BACK IN A FEW DAYS FOR THE RESULTS OF THE FINAL TWO BEST DOCUMENTARIES OF ALL TIME (probably).

These three will keep you busy 'til then.

Toodles x